Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
