just come out here and I will go home with you...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
