hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
