I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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