I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
