Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
