I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's blow job season.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dicks are not precious.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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