So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
