god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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