so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
