i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
