im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
