so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize