That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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