I bet he comes in French.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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