do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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