So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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