you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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