Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
