Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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