Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
