im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize