Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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