My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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