Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
