I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
