just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize