Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
