i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
