oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
