worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
