Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
