Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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