Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
