In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
