The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm having to shit out rocks
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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