An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
