What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
