fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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