just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
