yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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