There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
