how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
