roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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