just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
