I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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