No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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