she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
did i just pee glitter
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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