Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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