you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
