Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
