Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
