I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
