I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
