my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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