I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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