Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
why does every cop we meet know your name?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
