OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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