How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
