I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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