i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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