Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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