Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
