Just cropdusted the office
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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