a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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